Moving out of lack

Today I tore apart a hat I had made. A couple of months ago when I was originally making it I was skimping on the feathers I was using. I only had a handful to work with at that time, and was worried I’d run out. I was worried that would be the end of the story for this new thing I was enjoying. The deep belief I couldn’t have articulated that day was if I ran out of what I had in my hands, then I’d never have more again.

It’s a lack mentality. One that runs deep through my personal history, and I’ve noticed threads in my lineage even before me, probably like it does for a lot of folks. It’s really easy and safe to hold back. To keep the talents, resources or ideas available at a safe level of exposure so that nothing is ever at risk. Nothing is ever vulnerable. But also, nothing is ever rewarded. The mindset of lack steals away the possibility of joy and surprise. It removes the chance of goodness and radical generosity reaching oneself.

The hat I tore apart was meant for a friend. When I finished it I had no peace about giving it away. I waited on it for about four days and then remade the whole thing for her. I was generous with what I used. I made an elaborate design that utilized some of the best feathers I had in my collection. The ones I was “saving for a special occasion.” I finished her hat and was proud. And happy. And so honored when she sent me the video of her wearing it as soon as she opened the box.

Endeavors like creating a feather plume hat have become meditative experiences for me because I don’t sit still well, and especially because my brain never stops.  Keeping my hands busy allows my soul to quiet enough to listen. Today the divine encouragement that came was to not hold back. Don’t let the allure of safety be the reason I hesitate or withhold what I have to offer. Keep offering the good I have to give to the world around me, regardless of the outcome.